when the mind wants everythin!

Its kinda 'not so good feeling' when the mind wants everything. Ill come to that in a bit, jus noticed that i havent blogged in a while. Unlike a lot other bloggers whoblog almost all the time, i have realised that i am one o those who only blogs when she is upset, down or jus plain jobless. not good!! sorry blogspot. I promise ( as every other time) that i will blog more often, and not jus in sad times.
Last weekend was fun. did a lot of things, activities rather which i have been avoiding for a while. I went to see the midival punditz play. Brilliant orchestration of the most simple tunes. they almost always manage to amaze me with their creativity and the very subtle (but almost defining) indianness of their music. I like, hands down. smoked some, drank some. had a good time. met virmani after ages. yeah, we had a bit of a fallin apart a couple o months back, over sm insignificant issue. so he called, and apologized. and so the 'midival' timed meeting. Moments like these restore your feelings for friendship and kinship. the fact that we all need 'buddies' to keep us going. innit?? that was friday eve by the way. and then saturday i went to my dearest friend sonal's rooftop party. Now that was exactly the kinda eve i have come arnd to love. nice group of close friends. stoned, not drunk! good vibes..brilliant sufi music..and the best part...a nice warming bon fire! Niraj was also with me and so it was nice! i was missing this. u know! to meet other ppl and feel good abt the whole time. smtims its a culmination of events arnd u that makes u feel brilliant!! maybe a remark, and the background music...get the mix of things u know! and to top it all the weekend was iced with a bit of shopping. so in went two super good looking jackets, and belts (for niraj) and couple of tid bits.
i think i have written quite a bit. and that too without cribbing!! good start to the week!! later...

Glasgow

with time comes changes..and i dunno how many of u will b with me on this..but i remember the cassette..the tape..(video killed the radio star)..its true..the other day, one o ma friends was unloading some old junk from her place, and guess wat we found..a tape player..fuck..a TAPE player..we were excited..never mind that we were bewildered by our discovery..it was crazy..exhilirating..bringing wit it a plethora of memories..from how we used to exchange tapes from our friends, how we used a pen o pencil to fast forward the tape to our fav song, how we took ages lookin for it never the less...oh god...
we decided we had to get it workin...it was, but all that we really needed was a cassette to go in, and considerin we were in the techno era, this was a mommoth task. so after three long weeks and announcing prizes, we finally discovered a very old tape of Queen. even though the song were all tripped out, it was still manna to our ears. since then, we have spent innumerable number of coffee cups (o in my case, coke cans) over listenin to the tape player and reminiscing our old times.
its been brilliant..retro times!!!

stages

jus a thot..i think all love s got stages..and its wierd the way it follows..
1) interest
2)likeness
3)obsession
4)love
5)loss of interest
6)repulsion

and then there is a time, a platform where the two meet but there is nothin except memories..and sometimes they are bad and sometimes they are beautiful..but there is always a lingerin soft corner..
but one moves on..yeah?

rainbow

its not really about rainbow here..but its somewher close..its interesting how a rainbow can be used to mark the end of the rain..sadness as also to indicate happiness and hope..so yeah needless to say i wouldn mind seeing a rainbow..god why do i always go off track?? no idea..
past few months have been a rainbow of sorts for me. its like i am leading someone else s life with no real emotions and feelings passing through me. i am experiencing so many things that it all feels like i am cruising.. at a very high speed through rough and placid waters. and it feels awesom. i feel good.
all my life i have dreamed of travelling.. to far off places and finaly i feel like i am doing that. i am in glasgow. and i actually find myself budgeting for trip for a roadtrip through europe. fun huh..it is. jus thinking about it gives me the goosebumps. and its awesom.
glasgow is culture..a plethora of different cultures and nationality..meeting a variety of people everyday..mostly greeks but they are fun people so its cool and nigerians and ukrainians and russians and..a whole gamut of people.
apart from that..there is me..i feel like one of those shots of movies where there is one guy in the centre and everyone is moving around him with an amzin speed. yeah i am the guy in the centre..lost??no no..i am okay..not lost really..i am good. in hold of my senses and ma wants..holdin my roots tightly, not gonna let go of that..so even if there are several shots of absynthe and stuff thrown in here and there..its okay..coz me not flyin off..he he..god i really can talk to myself huh..
i am gonna write a more objective blog sometime..full with pictures and stuff but thats gonna be later.
for now..can i crib please..coz i mostly blog when i have to crib big time,and there is no human ear anywher close..he he..so here goes..
there is already a guy who likes me..i have kissed him but i have told him i dont like him..and he is okay wit the idea . he said he will let go of me willingly if i start likin someone else..funny huh..i think so too..but the kisses are good...god!!!
and then there is this other guy who likes me too...but then again i dont like him..not much as a prospect anyway..so there
now wats fuckin my head in the whole thing is(jus when u were beginning to think.wats there to crib in this?) that feel like i need an anchor in my life..not boastin but there have been so many guys who like me..but jus for once i wanna fall for someone..and not have him beggin for a relationship..if u know what i mean..like..when will it happen that even i find the guy irresistible who finds me irrisistible??is that gonna take a real long time??coz its been ages since that happened..is this wrong?? i am tired of being sweet to guys who end up liking me..and even thinkin of havin a relationship wit them jus so they dont get fucked up or depressed or the like..
hope u gettin the point..dont think so,but thats okay..jus writing this is clearin my head so thats cool..think i have written too much..laterssssss

long weekend

..he he he..i am just writing this for the heck of telling u guys how lazy could i get.. i had like a three days off..long weekend off because of good friday and holi and all that...yeah i made plans..well lets see.. first on the list was Goa..the unbeatable destination for ultimate nirvana..THE getaway.. but yeah..TEN hourse away..it got struck out from my " lets go" list at the very beginning..then came Gokarana..damn do i miss that place..but what will i go there and do alone???so nah..not there either..second casuality..the coorg...i would have needed an umbrella ,a wind cheater and a nice romantic company to go there with..and i was lacking in all these..so that too was a goner...the list went on..and then..ha..at the end of the awesom three days..i was still in the bed..lazying away...without a shower..and trust me that was bliss too..so even though i am an "OUTDOORS" person...chilling at home i realised is not that bad after all..damn..only if i had a television..

and guess wat me thinks arun is like the best company for all this lazying..he considers it against his relegion to wake up anyone who is sleeping..and that suits me just fine...and then he will actually get me anything i want from the market so i get home delivery of smokes...coke...and what not...yeah yeah..i know..basically..three days..beautiful and awesom..peaceful..thank you audience...latersssss

hey.. thought its imerative that i write today..comes after a long time.. but yeah..here right now.. days crawl and months seem to just fly by..feels like that happens all the time..
i am in my first job..quite settled in( if not completely) and this feels good.. to be answerable to only yourself.. the responsibility of it all.. its exhilirating.. i mean seriously.. ill tell you what comes in the package..i am living with three of my friends and so managing the house, paying the rent and getting food..paying elctricity bills..washing clothes..man i seem to be doing it all and it feels awesom... apart from that coming to work every day and handling that.. i finally feel like i have come of age.. and when there is no one really to handle the emotonal part of u.. u really realise what it is to HANDLE everything all by yourself... but trust me for once i am not complaining.
i do miss the old times though..that was fun..and i was myself in a ot of ways.. hate becoming what i am becoming today.. but i guess its a part of the whole thing.. wat say.. i need to push for home now so ill see you later..

new thoughts

so wats been up with me?? he he..good question and i think just to make this a lil more systematic i am gonna go point wise...

1. i moved to bangalore..bag and baggage..and its good..so far so good anyways..came here for suhail and the weather..the weather still mystifies me every time but there is no trace of suhail..not that i am not to blame for that..but i made some choices in life finally and so far been sticking to it..( so not me)..so that makes me single and available..ahem..did i jus say available..nah..not just yet i am not..dont wanna start all over with that thing again..

but i forgot to give the intro to my beautiful setting..me sitting in my office with the god blessed free net services and plenty of time and joblessness..that clubbed with coffee..(yeah i started drinking that lately with much enthusiasm..realised its cheaper than coke..) it makes an awesom setting..

bangalore is a nice place..too much traffic..snaking through it every day after work can be stressing..trust me..but otherwise i think i have found a part of my peace...lots to explore still..been dying to push myself through this maze of work and home responsibilities to go to nandi hills..apparently a hill station in south india...will do it soon

2. work front...well well ..wat to say???work is work after all..never wanted to be here..a typical life of working from nine to nine..and taking peanuts home in monetary terms..thats a typical hotel job for ya..but its good coz i am still learning..and so every day brings on somethin new for sure..and thats all i am gonna write about the WORK part of it.

3. shifted to a new place..ill tel u about that may be in a separate ..far more elaborate blog some other time..coz there are so many emotions attached with that..trust me there is..

anyways..i think office is a bad place to write a blog..my phone seems to be ringing constantly and the ' official mails' seems to be endless...

i dont believe this..i am actually a part of this god forsaken corporate world??? pathetic..seriously..

later alligator..fuck..wats wrong with me...hee hee