saturday night

ya as it says its saturday today and its night...and i am here blogging..simply cause nothing else really seems more important..totally sane mind u..always am..its always been a temporary lapse of sanity that i end up doin something that i really dont stand by..this happens not when i am drunk or stoned but when my thinking capability takes a backseat..u know i have been tryin to excel this art of silence..i do believe that silence at any point is the best..you might have lots to say but the best thing is to simply keep quite..take wat life gives u..appreciate it..and u know wat..you never regret silence..its always your words.
there are times when i feel like screaming..and losing it completely..but its okay..i am hangin in there..patience is one virtue(which i dont have but tryin to inculcate it)oh and guess wat it rained today!!!!fuck that like made my day..it jus washes away everything totally..all inhibitions and all thoughts..its just a sense of exhiliration..and so to share this feeling a msg him..he didnt say much jus a simple i know..but that is okay..atleast i know he has to b lovin it..and there we connect..id like to believe that he was missing me..fuck where am i goin??/i am kinda scared to admit it even to myself but he is always on my mind..
guess i am talking too much..and he jus gave ne half an hour time to blog..so guess will see u some other time when my head is bursting wit thoughts..it will on monday..telling u now only.bye

just stuff

was jus thinking of writin..have been actually..its jus simply about nothing really..my life here..pretty sad..been playin wit three peoples emotions and feelings like its my playground..one of them being myself..dont feel anything great about it..cant really help it either..you know wat i jus found out..i ahve lost the ability to communicate..and the one thing who mattered a lot has also lost it..in my case as also in his case we have chosen it..its fuckin confusin..i know i am not making any sense watever but somehow but then again..its wierd..fuck get back to this thing a was tellin u..its wierd that we do talk..most of the time i get wat i am sayin simply by lookin at him..he gets it too..oh i didnt introduce myself as the most confused indecisive person u will ever know in your life..cant even decide if the guy i am seeing for the past two years is a source os happiness or sadness..he more than anything else is my responsibility..maynot get anything out of him but this holds on to me..i care for him??do i love him..fuck this has started to look like some sad story column..didnt want it to sound like this but jus too confused and above all that my brain is not wit me..not mine anymore..wish i could jus get stoned os high sometime and let myself jus b..realise that mighty feelin of lettin it all go..might b jus for three hours but trust me wit the thoughts botherin me i think even three hours are enough for myself..i try to give myself space u know..oh thats one thing a stand by..i think even dogs need their space..have always been nearly alone..never related to people but these days have been feelin pathetically desolate and lonely..wierd..its only smokes and trance for me..anything else gets me thinkin..suddenly started runnin away from myself..its wierd..fuck i could go on and on..will let things b as of now..take care people..s