optimism

the title has nothin to do wit me or my state of mind right now..well my state of mind??its wierd i got hostel arrest..for those of u who haven seen this side of earth..its something like when u get grounded at home for doin something real bad..very surprisingly this is not evoking any emotions in me?i am jus blank..totally devoid of any emotions that should come wit it.i realised and have grasped the moral of the story but then again dunno if its the right one..it feels like i am on an island wit absolutely noone around..nobody really to share my thoughts wit and my state of mind..oh and i broke up wit my guy .. but all this again fails to initiate any thing in my head.its wierd and very hard to analyze.its as if i am in the very centre of u huge cyclone wher its as still as anythin.he has lost trust in me and so is nowher around..the interestin part is i dont even know wat is that all about..because all this is happenin i can imagine that i am in shit but if u really ask me wats goin on i wont b able to really tell u wats in my head cause most of the time its jus blank.even now i was sitting in my room on my bed wit some vague music playin..and i dont remember wat i was thinking..funny i know.wish i could get out of this state of mind..some miracle happens..divine intervention..hee hee.sometimes i think that i should jus give up on fightin..u know fightin myself and my thoughts and my feelings..and then jus glide.through and through..but its easier said than done..theres a lot of things that needs to b done before all that...one thing and the only constructive thing that i am doin these days is my readin..yes i am readin julike my coll days.i wish i could start to feel sometime..soon for that matter cause evenwhen i am staring intently at him my mind is jus blank the feelings comin only when there is any change of facial expression from his side..do people who once get into depression ever get out of it??can they jus erase all the thoughts that were goin thru theis head at that time??is it that easy?or??